My Long Hike Back to Tromaville, NJ

Well, it happened. For a long time, from 2001 to 2006 I would have said, “It will never happen.” My life has once again crossed over with the Lloyd Kaufman and the Troma Team in beautiful Long Island City, NY at Troma Studios. There I shot the latest episode of America’s Bad Kids. This blog is the story of how I came to know and respect Lloyd Kaufman and his long lasting independent film studio.
It all began on a Saturday morning. There they were, the Toxic Crusaders. Even as a small child I knew they were only here to ride the curtails of The Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles and at the same time I was OK with that. I appreciated how it had the mindless team-up style action of the Turtles and the environmental message of Captain Planet with but without being totally fucking gay. Lets face it, Captain Planet was a pretty gay cartoon. I remember talking to a Filipino friend in the lunch room who, I envied because he was allowed to watch whatever he wanted. We talked about Toxic Crusaders and how much we liked the theme song. Then he asked me if I ever saw the movie. “There’s a movie of The Toxic Crusaders?”, I said. “Yeah, in the movie The Toxic Crusader rips out a guys intestines and uses it as a jump rope.” Well, I knew my mom would never let me rent that. I also knew she couldn’t stop me from looking at the box in the video store. Next time we were at the video store I learned that there were three Toxic Avenger films. I perused the backs of each box. That is a far as I got. It wouldn’t be until I was 17 working at the local video store when I’d be able to see Toxie in live action.
So now at the ripe old age of 17, I’m working for this wonderful fellow name Roger. He had a glorious belly that stuck out over his waist band. One time he told me “My belly got so big I couldn’t see my penis, I looked like a fat guy.” Eventually, I’ll write an entire blog about my golden years at the Video Club Plus. During the summer of 1997 I was renting all the things I had never been allowed to see. This included the Toxic Avenger Trilogy. I must admit I thought the first Toxic Avenger is pretty good and I still do. The other two kind of suck nuts. So do most sequels, so no surprise there. It was when I got to school that year that I found out my friend Luiz, was a big fan of Troma films . He told me all about the new movie they had coming out called Tromeo and Juliet. Luiz was also kind enough to direct me to the other Troma titles, such as The Class of Nuke’em High and Troma’s War. All of these wonderful films were at Roger’s video store for me to take advantage of. At the time I was into every horror movie I could get my hands on. The Fangoria’s weekend of Horrors was coming up and Luiz, my friend Conor and myself decided we were going to hit it up. Low and behold Lloyd Kaufman is announced as a guest. I notice that he has a book coming out called All I needed to know about Film making I learned from the Toxic Avenger. What secrets could be inside this book? I get the book from the newly established amazon.com and I am off to the Fangoria convention.
If anyone reading this has ever been to a Fangoria Convention its pretty much understood someone you came to see is going to cancel with no notice. Such was the case with this one. No Alex Winter, no Tom Savini, Had Savini showed up it really could have saved me a lot of time. Lloyd Kaufman was of course, at his table signing away. When we got up to him I don’t remember exactly what we talked about but I do remember Lloyd knowing I got the book from Amazon.com.

I would see Lloyd again one year later at The Weekend of Horrors only this time even less guest showed up. Bruce Campbell and Rob Zombie both canceled so we were stuck with the fat kid from The Blair Witch Project and Lloyd Kaufman. When I went to talk to Lloyd he insisted that I hold up the picture from the previous year which he had just signed.

The next time I saw Lloyd would be a test, a test of endurance. So it is now the spring of 2001. My friend Conor is shooting a film project at NYU about Cupid being kicked out of Heaven. I agree to work on it. On the same weekend is an all night Troma Sleep Over at the Huntington Cinema Arts Centre where they are premiering Toxic Avenger IV: Citizen Toxie. To make it to the screening I have to leave Conor’s shoot which is a at bar in Manhattan and drive all the way out to Huntington Long Island. After the screening I know I have to be back at Conor’s shoot the next morning at 9:00 AM.. I decide I’m fucking going anyway! Isn’t this the dumbest idea in the world? So I get to the screening at 9:00PM after working all day. I meet up with several other children I know from college. We watch Citizen Toxie. Everyone hates it but me. Then Lloyd comes out and does a Q&A. Then we watch 2 more Troma movies. The highlight of the evening was when these two girls started flashing people and one puts a cigarette in her Vagina to win a chance to be in the next Troma film, which I guess would be Tales from the Crapper. I don’t recall seeing them in the film. I get home at 5:00 AM. I need to be back at Conor’s shoot at 9:00AM.. I get to the shoot at 10:00 AM, an hour late and it goes twenty one straight hours to 7:00 AM the following day. It was a very painful weekend for this young blogger.
I see Lloyd next at a panel later that fall as part of the New York City Horror film Festival. During the Q&A I asked a question about shooting on film versus video. Lloyd’s answer stuck with me to this day. “I don’t care if you shoot your film on toilet paper. If its good we’ll take it.” I briefly pondered making a animated short with action figures where the Toxic Avenger would have a homosexual experience with Swamp Thing, and use toilet paper as a background. That project never materialized. I then took a five year hiatus from Troma aside from watching Tales from the Crapper on DVD.
It’s now 2006. I’m working for the wonderful television show Miami Ink. There is a Fangoria Convention in Chicago. I’m dying to go. George Romero, Lloyd, and James Gunn and an entire Slither Panel are going to be at the convention.

I met James Gunn the fall prior to that, and he was really cool.

Slither looked absolutely amazing. He had written Tromeo and Juliet, which was my favorite Troma film, I had the poster and some other promotional 8’10s. James Gunn and his wife at the time Jenna Fisher, freaked out when they saw the photo of James and his brother Sean I had brought to be signed.

Later that night there was a screening of Slither which had not yet come out. Lloyd showed up pretty early on and sat towards the front of the theater. As the theater started filling up James Gunn walked in and hugged Lloyd. The place went nuts cheering. The movie came on and Lloyd’s cameo got another pop from the crowd. After the movie James Gunn asked me what I thought and I said, “I loved it and I’d like to thank you for not fagging out and killing those children.” He then told me he wanted to kill more children but his producer wouldn’t let him. The next morning I saw Lloyd and we talked about how great Slither was and how great James Gunn is. He singed a picture of him and Lemmy Kilminster.

Since the Chicago show I’ve been waiting to see Poultrygiest Night fo the Chicken Dead.
Flash forward to today. I’ve started a web series and my good friend Robbie G from Iconsoffright.com suggests I interview Lloyd at Troma for the second episode. This is a wonderful idea. To find out what happens during this interview watch the new episode of America’s Bad Kids.

So much was said during this interview we are actually going to create a few extra exclusive episodes. One Americasbadkids.com, one for Iconsoffright.com and one for Spookydan.com. They will have a special open that features some fo the great tromabilia I have collected over the past ten years. Well, I’m back. back in Tromaville NJ. It’s not so bad. Hey! There goes Eli Roth and Trey Parker holding hands. If it’s good enough for those guys its good enough for you. Next time we’re back in the video store and we’re going to the back room. You know what they keep in there right? Porn!