There was something that I forgot to lay out when I first started writing these blogs. I should make everyone aware that I love history. I love being able to track a series of events that build up to a climax. Much like the Troma blog, this one is going to cover a bit of time. In the same way that my fandom of Lloyd Kaufman built up over several years and climaxed (not the Ron Jeremy climaxing) with me doing an interview with him, the past two and a half years of my life have been building up to me completing a short film about two best friends falling in love with a Nazi dominatrix. The great thing is there’s gravy. To find out exactly what I get, you’ll have to read this whole thing to the end.

It all started in the summer of 2004. I was about six months into editing a short film I directed called Alpha Dead. This film was taking forever to finish. I had written the film with my good friend Steven Tsapelas. I must confess, it was entirely my fault it was taking forever to complete. I had been out of school for a year and had no job prospects. It was easy for me to sit around and just let entire days slip by. I got a trial version of Netflix. One day I was on AIM chatting with my good friend Jed. We were discussing what I should be Netflixing. I asked him if I should Netflix Ilsa She Wolf of the SS. He said, “Dude, that movie is so good.” So I got a copy of it and watched it with Steve. He and I were blown away by it. We decided that we were going to do something with Ilsa. Since everyone at the time was making zombie movies, including us, we decided to make a Nazi film to be different. Our plan was for me to finish Alpha Dead and then shoot a trailer for our Nazi film to be shown at Alpha Dead’s premiere. We did just that. We got Alpha Dead and a trailer for what we called Charlene She Wolf of My Heart or Why Is Every Nice Girl I Date Into Weird Nazi Things? all ready and showed them both at the Bellmore Playhouse in December of 2004.

We hit a small snag shortly thereafter. The actress we had playing the title role of Charlene decided that if Nicole Kidman wouldn’t play an Ilsa parody character she would not play an Ilsa parody character. With our Charlene gone we went on a quest to find a replacement. Luckily my friend Conor was making a zombie movie of his own. Since I was on the crew, I knew I’d have a chance to mingle with all these high-falutin’ NYU types. One of them would surely be able to point me in the direction of someone who would be willing to play an Ilsa parody character. Boy, was I ever right. Not only did I get a hot lead on the person who would finally play Charlene, but I ended up casting all of Conor’s actors. Conor, consider yourself forgiven for that whole 21 hour shoot thing after the Troma marathon.

Over the next couple of months Steve and I worked on the script. We rounded up our usual group of actors. The cast ended up being half my zombie movie, half Conor’s zombie movie, plus one six foot tall Texan girl. How could we lose?! I was working at one of the big three television networks and it was going terribly. However, I was able to get in a lot of preproduction done in between transcribing dailies for a cop show pilot. We were moving along rather nicely. I decided I was going to leave my job the day before we’re scheduled to shoot the film. I walk into this big network and I tell my supervisor that I’m done and that day was going to be my last day. Well, he flips out on me and starts yelling. So I look him dead in the eye and let him yell. “You blew it dude!” he yelled then stormed off. Then he came back and said, “Don’t ever call me.” Then he came back again and said, “Get your stuff and get out.” I had no idea how important my transcribing of cop show pilot dailies was to this network. I thought this was great. I got more time to prep for my shoot. Then I got an omen.

So while I’m walking down 57th St. in Manhattan, there walking toward me is none other than Sweet Sweetback himself, Melvin Van Peebles. One of my heroes! I walked right up to him and said, “Good morning Mr. Van Peebles.” He replies, “Good morning, young man. How are you?” “Good, Sir!” I said, as I kept walking. So I go home, round up the crew and head to Long Beach where we are shooting this fucker. We shot about three quarters of the script. We did end up having to get two other scenes later on. Everything we did shoot was pretty good.

A couple of weeks after our first round of shooting, Steve and I find out that David Friedman, the producer of Ilsa She Wolf of the SS is going to be at Chiller Theatre in New Jersey. Chiller Theatre usually involves a horrific day of waiting in line to get into rooms filled with has-been celebrities who are trying to trick people into paying them to write their names on the possessions that people brought from home. We knew David would try to trick us. We just wanted to tell him that we made a funny version of the film he produced under the name Herman Trager. Dave was there with his 16-year-old niece and Herschel Gordon Lewis. This was the pair that had brought us Bloodfeast, 2000 Maniacs and The Wizard of Gore. All wonderful films. It was great meeting them at the same time. David’s niece was really cool as well. I remember thinking she must have been in her twenties. She was very tall, definitely over six feet. She took this picture.

We are now in December of 2005. I procure a supermarket for a supermarket scene that is in the script. Anyone who knows me knows I can shoot supermarkets and playgrounds. We shoot in there after they close and everything goes very well. This blog is turning into a director’s commentary without any movie so I’m going to cut to the chase and explain the rest of what happened some other time.

To answer my original question, “How could we lose?” Well, we could lose if I took a job on a hit reality show for a network which refuses to cancel a show made by a company that refuses to fire me. I would get stuck working for this show for the next two years. The gig lasted from November of 2005 to the day before yesterday. Pretty long. But what is great, is that I really turned up the heat and we got the film done. Not only is it done now, but it is premiering in Cleveland, Ohio next Friday at the Cinema Wasteland Film and Movie Memorabilia Expo!

So here’s the gravy: Don Edmonds, director of the original Ilsa She Wolf of the SS will be on hand. In addition, Don is kind enough to be appearing on an episode of America’s Bad Kids! If there is a guy who makes movies that the bad kids like, it’s Uncle Don! What a fitting way to premiere this film! It may have taken a while but it’s been worth the wait. I promise I’ll be taking this film around with me. Expect screenings in New York and LA. But for now you’ll have to excuse me. I have an appointment to keep with a big-titted German woman who runs a concentration camp. In the mean time, check out the trailer!

-John